Laughable quotes is a collection from famous, and not-so-famous personalities, making funny observations about situations and the world around us.
- A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.
- Baseball is ninety percent mental, the other half is
- I never said most of the things I said.
- I'm not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk
to school like I did.
- You give 100% in the first half of the game and if that's not
enough, in the second half you give what's left.
- Always go to others' people's funerals, otherwise they won't
come to yours.
- When you find a fork in the road - take it.
- You can observe a lot by just watching.
- If you don't succeed, you run the risk of failure.
- I wanted to be the first woman to burn her bra, but it would
have taken the Fire department four days to put the fire out.
- You're not drunk, if you can lie on the floor without holding
- All right, everyone line up alphabetically according to your
- Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional
baseball player. It's staying up looking for one that does
- I feel greatly honored to have a ballpark named after me,
especially since I've been thrown out of so many.
- I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the
hereafter on a technicality.
- I grew up with six brothers, that's how I learned to dance -
waiting for the bathroom.
- I left England at the age of four when I found out I couldn't
- Don't worry about senility my grandfather used to say. When
it hits you, you won't know it.
- I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is
the same reason that Napoleon invaded Russia. It seemed like
a good idea at the time.
- That married couples can live together day after day is a
miracle the Vatican has overlooked.
- At my age flowers scare me.
- Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman
who will give you a little love, a little affection, a little
tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house.
- By the time you're eighty years old you've learned
everything. You only have to remember it.
- First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you
forget to pull your zipper up and finally you forget to pull
- A good sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending,
and they should be as close together as possible.
- Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good woman - or a bad
woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
- I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don't have as
many people believing it.
- Have you ever noticed in traffic, anybody going slower than
you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a
- Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his
- Marry me and I'll never look at another horse.
- Either he is dead or my watch has stopped.
- I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
- It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be
there when it happens.
- There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever
spent an evening with an Insurance Salesman?
- I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
- I am free of all prejudices, I hate everyone equally.
- Laughter is only the beginning for a friendship, and it is
the best ending for one
- The most wasted day is one without laughter
- A day without laughter is like a Big Mac without fries
- You cannot hols back a good laugh any more than the tide
- You grow up the day you have your first laugh...at yourself
- You cannot hold back a laugh anymore than you can hold back a
- The human race has only effective weapon, and that is
- Laughter is to the mind and body what rain is to the earth
- Laughter and tears are responses to frustration....I myself
prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do
- A good laugh is like sunshine in the house
- Laughter is one of the very privileges of reason, being
confined to the human species
- When you walk - you walk, when you play - you play. When you
laugh, do it with the whole body, it will be the best and
healthiest exercise you can treat yourself with
- If I were given the opportunity t9o present a gift to the
next generation, it would be the ability for each person to
laugh at himself
William Arthur Ward
- To make mistakes is human, to stumble is commonplace, to be
able to laugh at yourself is maturity
- People suffer emotional constipation today. We have to learn
to take our responsibilities seriously and take ourselves