Homer Simpson Humor

Homer Simpson humor has appealed to young and old for many years.

Following are some of the zany quotes from his TV show

  • 'Marriage is like a coffin and each kid another nail.'
  • 'It takes two to lie; one to lie and one to listen.'
  • 'Homer: 'We're proud of you boy' Bart: 'Thanks dad. Part of this D-minus belongs to God.'
  • 'You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson: "Never try!"
  • 'If you pray to the wrong God, you might just make the right one madder and madder.'
  • 'When I look at people, I don't see colors; I just see crackpot religions.'
  • 'Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what what separates us from the animals....except the weasel.'
  • 'Oh loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.'
  • 'I've been called ugly, pug ugly, fugly, pug fugly, but never ugly ugly.'
  • 'When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV.'
  • 'I believe that children are our future. Unless we stop them now.'
  • 'A boy without mischief is like a bowling ball without a liquid center.'
  • 'Oh yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?'
  • 'Operator! Give me the number for 911!'
  • 'I've gone back in time to when dinosaurs weren't just confined to zoos.'
  • 'Marge, this ticket doesn't just give me a seat. It gives me the right, no, the duty to make a complete ass of myself.'
  • 'Forty seconds? But I want it now!'
  • 'Lord help me. I'm just not that bright.'
  • 'All my life, I've had one dream, to achieve all my goals.'
  • 'Being popular is the most important thing in the world.'
  • 'Aw, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent, 14% of all people know that.'
  • 'It's not that easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in 8 hours of TV a day.'
  • 'Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.'
  • 'Cheating is the gift man gives himself.'
  • 'Books are useless! I only read one book, To Kill A Mockingbird, and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds!'
  • 'To alcohol! The cause of, and solutions, to all of life's problems.'
  • 'Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true.'
  • 'If something is hard to do, then it's not worth doing.'
  • 'Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.'
  • 'Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.'
  • 'Oh my God Space Aliens. Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!'

Do you know some of Home Simpson quotes that I have missed, let me know on the form below

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