Computer Humor 

Computer humor is the result of being thankful for the technology, however,  paired with the frustration that it tends to bring out in people when things don't work out to expectation.


  •  You might as well see the humor in computers, because if you don't, they will only drive you to drinking.

 

  •  Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand. 

 

  •  Hardware - the parts of a computer that can be kicked.


  •   A computer lets you make mistakes faster than any other invention with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.


  •  If it ain't broke - fix it till it's broken!

 

  •  Arguing with an electrical engineer is like wrestling with a pig in mud, After a while you realize the pig likes it. 

 

  • *A programmer will believe anything you tell him.

 

  •  Will the information superhighway have any rest-stops?

 

  •  Documentation is like sex: When it's good it's fantastic, when it's bad......

 

  •  All computers wait at the same speed.

 

  •  Bug - A son of a glitch.

 

  •  If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.

 

  •  It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.

 

  •  Do you guys know what you're doing, or are you just hacking?


  • I hit the control key, but I'm still not in control.

 

  •  Do something unusual today. Accomplish work on the computer.

 

  •  If you don't want to be replaced by a computer, don't act like one.

 

  •  Foolproof systems don't take into account the ingenuity of fools.

 

  •  Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.


  •  Remember, the problem is not that people are stupid; the problem is that modems are cheap.


  •  Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users?

 

  •  Okay, so the computer has understood, but what about me?

 

  •  Crap......Someone knocked over my recycle bin ......there's icons all over my desktop.

 

  •  Back up my hard disk? I can't find the reverse switch!

 

  •  I have not lost my mind - I have it backed up on tape somewhere- What do you mean by 'RAM DISK' is not an installation procedure?

 

  •  'Insert disk three?' But I can only get two in the drive!

 

  •  Those who can't write programs - write help files.

 

  •  Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

 

  •  You know you're a geek when......you try to shoo a fly away from the monitor with your cursor.

 

  •  Some things man was never meant to know . For everything else, there's Google.

 

  •  Once you've googled every single guy whose last name you remember that you slept with, the Internet sorta becomes a useless tool

 

  •  The web is a dominatrix. Everywhere I turn, I see little buttons ordering me to submit.

 

  •  Sell a man a phish - he can scam for a day, but teach him how to phish and he can scam for himself for a lifetime.


  •  Every operating system out there is equal - they all suck!
  •   The only secure computer is one buried in concrete, with the power turned off and the network cable cut.

 

  •  Ever notice how Windows runs? Neither did I!

 

  •  If at first you don't succeed - work at Microsoft.

 

  •  Double you drive space - delete Windows!

 

  •  A Windows user spends 1/3 of his/her life sleeping, 1/3 working, 1/3 waiting.

 

  •  Windows: Just another pain in the glass.

 

  •  Windows isn't a virus, viruses do something.

 

  •  The difference between a virus and Windows - viruses rarely fail

 

  •  Computers are car like air conditioners - they stop working with open windows.


 Women think all computers are male because.....

  • They have lots of data, but are still clueless.
  • They are supposed to solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
  •  A soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited   a bit longer, you could had a better model.
  • To get their attention, you have to 'turn them on.'
  •  A big 'power-surge' will knock them out for the rest of the night.
  •  It is always necessary to have a backup.
  •  They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
  •  Size does matter.

 



 

 

 

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