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The Humormeister's Forum, Issue #00097
December 31, 2015

Welcome to the 97th Humormeister's Forum edition

Out with the old, in with the new, may you be happy the whole year through. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Funny quotes

Cleaning your house while the kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing - Phyllis Diller

Humor/laughter quotes

The first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to anybody - George Roberts

The 1 Minute laugh

I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the 'up to 6 items' check-out, which was plied high with groceries.

Imagine my delight, when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?"

Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?

Kids are funny!

A Montana teacher was helping one of her kindergarten kids put on his cowboy boots. He had asked her to help and she could see why.

Even with pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on.Finally when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost screamed when the little boy said: "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were.

It wasn't any easier pulling off the boots than it was putting them on - this time on the right feet. The boy than told her: "These aren't my boots!"

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream. "Why didn't you say so?" Once again she struggled to help him pull the boots off his feet.

No sooner she had the boots off the boy said: They are my brother's" My mom made me wear them.

At this point she didn't know whether she should laugh or cry. But she again wrestled to get the boots back on his feet.

Helping him into his coat, she asked: "Now where are your mittens?"

The boy replied: "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots so that I would not lose them."

Article of the month

The New Year's resolution

As many of us do, Ron and Tracy made a new year's resolution to go on a diet, as they both felt that they had to shed a few pounds.

They found a diet that had specific recipes for each meal of the day. They followed the instructions very closely.

They divided the prepared recipes in half for their individual portions. They felt terrific and thought that the diet was going very well for them. They never felt better, nor did they ever feel hungry.

As time progressed, Ron and Tracy realized that they were in fact putting on weight and not losing any.

They decided that they should check the details of the recipes one more time. It was then that they found their error. There in small print, they read their error 'SERVES SIX.'

  • We need to socialize more!
  • We need to generate more humor and laughter in our lives!
  • We have to enjoy life instead of enduring it!

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"If you lose your zest for laughter - you lose your zest for life!"

All or part of this newsletter may be reprinted with permission, provided that credit is given to the author and his website

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