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The Humormeister's Forum, Issue #00094
September 30, 2015

Welcome to the 94th Humormeister's Forum edition

I am busy with rewriting and reorganizing my website. It's taking a lot of time and effort, but I am confident that the end result will be worth it.

I still find time for the occasional walk, enjoying the fragrance and awesome colors of Fall.

Funny quotes

Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound - Author unknown

Humor/laughter quotes

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife - Prince Philip

The 1 Minute laugh

My wife had been after me for several weeks to varnish the wooden seat on our toilet. Finally, I got around to doing it.

After finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she returned. She came in, and undressed to take a shower. Before getting into the shower, she sat on the toilet.

As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy glue paint had glued her to the toilet seat. About that time, I got home and realized her predicament.

We both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation, I undid the toilet seat. My wife wrapped a towel around her and we went to the hospital emergency ward.

The ER doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her. ( Try to get a mental picture of this ).

My wife tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, "Well doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before."

The doctor replied,"Actually I've seen lots of them....I just never saw one mounted and framed like this before."

Kids are funny!

A father came home from a business trip to find his son riding a fancy new 10 speed bike.

"Where did you get the money for the bike?" his dad asked. It must have cost $300!"

"Easy dad," the boy replied."I earned it hiking." "Cone on," his dad said. "Tell me the truth."

"That's the truth," the boy replied. "Every night you were gone, Mr Dean from the supermarket would come over to see mom. He'd give me a 20 dollar bill and tel me to take a hike!.

Article of the month

Stress Test

Test yourself with a 'Yes' or 'No' answer, whether you experience any of the following

  • The bags under your eyes are almost large enough to carry your groceries
  • Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition
  • You can't remember the names of family members although they look vaguely familiar
  • You can travel without moving
  • Your blood pressure causes the machine at Walmart to break down
  • You leave on vacation and forget one of your kids
  • You want to smell the roses and now you can't remember why you stand in front of the rose bush
  • You can achieve a 'runner's high' by sitting up
  • Your blood pressure goes up because your computer boots up too slowly
  • You feel irritated when a real person answers the phone and you have to talk to a person instead of a machine
  • If you have more than 3 of these symptoms, you suffer from 'extreme stress"

    • We need to socialize more!
    • We need to generate more humor and laughter in our lives!
    • We have to enjoy life instead of enduring it!

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    "If you lose your zest for laughter - you lose your zest for life!"

    All or part of this newsletter may be reprinted with permission, provided that credit is given to the author and his website

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