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The Humormeister's Forum, Issue #00093
August 31, 2015

Welcome to the 93th Humormeister's Forum edition

There is a serious epidemic going on! Fun, humor, and laughter are slipping away from us.

People have that 'constipated look' on their faces, that tells us that fun, humor, laughter, are the furthest from their minds.

Humor is a natural renewable resource. It's as vital as breathing. It's free, it's easy, and it's available anytime!

Funny quotes

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza - Dave Barry

Humor/laughter quotes

It has been said that politics is the 2nd oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first - Ronald Reagan

The 1 Minute laugh

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from it's collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on the head; he then followed me into the house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is, and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon you dog comes to my house for a nap.'

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3. He's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?

Kids are funny!

On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son, "Dad, I know babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?'

After my son hemmed and hawed a while, my grandson spoke in disgust and said: "You don't have to make up something Dad. It's okay if you don't know the answer!"

Article of the month

People fail to recognize humor

Not only are people 'emotionally constipated', but they don't even recognize humor when they almost trip over it.

Let me illustrate with a little story.

A friend of mine has a Labrador retriever. She was buying a large bag of Purina Do Chow at Walmart. Standing in line at the checkout counter, a woman behind her asked her if she had a dog.

On impulse, my friend told her no, she didn't have a dog, but that she was starting the 'Purina' diet again. Although she probably shouldn't again, because she ended up in the hospital the last time.

But, she said., I lost 50 pounds before she awakened in the Intensive Care Unit with tubes coming out of her everywhere and IV's in both arms.

She told the woman that was essentially a perfect diet and that the the way it works is to load your pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.

She said that the food is nutritionally well balanced and so she was going to do it again.

Horrified, the woman asked her if she ended up in Intensive Care because the dog food poisoned her. My friend said no,what happened was, she stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and was hit by a car!

  • We need to socialize more!
  • We need to generate more humor and laughter in our lives!
  • We have to enjoy life instead of enduring it!

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"If you lose your zest for laughter - you lose your zest for life!"

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