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The Humormeister's Forum, Issue #00092
July 31, 2015

Welcome to the 92nd Humormeister's Forum edition

The month of August has been known as 'Happiness' month.

The idea is that each day you should do something that brings happiness either to yourself or others.

The effort can be small, such as a good deed to someone. You will soon discover that happiness is contagious.

Funny quotes

Someone asked an old man: "Even after 70 years, you still call your wife - Darling, Honey, Sweetheart. What is the secret?

Old man: "I forgot her name and I'm scared to ask her."

Humor/laughter quotes

The most terrifying words in the English language are: "I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

The 1 Minute laugh

When looking at a house, my brother asked the Real Estate Agent which direction was North, because he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. The agent asked, 'Does the sun rise in the North?'

My brother explained that the sun rises in the East and has for some time. She shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff...'

Kids are funny!

While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly gentleman in a wheelchair into the room.

As she went to the receptionist desk, the man sat there, alone and silent.

Just as I was thinking I should make small talk to him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man's, he said, "I know how you feel. My Mom makes me ride in the stroller too!"

Article of the month

Describe your wife

A husband went to the sheriff's department to report that his wife was missing

  • husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home....

    Sergeant: What is her height?

    Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. A little over 5 feet tall.

    Sergeant: Weight?

    Husband: Don't know. Not slim, notb really fat.

    Sergeant: Color of eyes?

    Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

    Sergeant: Color of hair?

    Husband: Changes a couple of times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember.

    Sergeant: What was she wearing?

    Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

    Sergeant: What car did she drive?

    HusbandShe went in my truck.

    Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?

    Husband: A 2015 Ford F 150 King Ranch 4x4 with eco-boost 5.OL V8 engine, special ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air conditioning .

    It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, which has a matching after-market bed liner.

    Custom leather 6 way seats and 'Bubba' floor mats. Trailer package with gold hitch and and special wiring hook-ups.

    DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver, 23 channel CB radio, six cup holders, a USB port, and 4 power outlets.

    I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelin tires. It has custom running boards and indirect wheel well lighting.

    At this point the husband started choking up.

    Sergeant: Don't worry buddy. We'll find your truck.

    • We need to socialize more!
    • We need to generate more humor and laughter in our lives!
    • We have to enjoy life instead of enduring it!

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    "If you lose your zest for laughter - you lose your zest for life!"

    All or part of this newsletter may be reprinted with permission, provided that credit is given to the author and his website

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