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The Humormeister's Forum, Issue #00088
February 28, 2015

Welcome to the 88th Humormeister's Forum edition

It's been a crazy Winter, 10 degrees above zero one day and 14 below zero the next. It's wonderful to have the warm days, but the drastic temperature changes are hard on the system.

However, the alternative is much worse, so we grin and bear it!

Check out my new website page 'Surgeon Humor!'

Funny quotes

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. - Paul Honing

Humor/laughter quotes

He who laughs last, didn't get it! - Helen Giangregorie

The 1 Minute laugh

His wife's graveside service was barely finished when there was a loud clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, and accompanied by more thunder rolling in the distance.

The little old man looked up at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she's there."

Kids are funny!

A math teacher was going over a problem on the blackboard with his students. A wealthy man dies and leaves behind 10 million dollars, he explained.

One fifth of the money is to go to his wife, one fifth to his son, and one sixth to his butler, and the rest of the money to charity.

Now class, what does each of these people get?

Silence filled the room. Finally a hand goes up in the back of the room and a student says, "A lawyer!"

Article of the month

Questions and answers at a Senior Forum

Q: Where can single men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested in them? A: Try a bookstore, under fiction

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause? A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done, you will have a place to live.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible. A: Yes, Matthew 14:92: "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt."

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of you over-60 husband? A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of elderly wrinkles? A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face? A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out

Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking? A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short memory storage? A: Storing memory is not a problem, but retrieving it is.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly? A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon

Q: Where should 60-year olds look for eye glasses? A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores? A: "Gosh, I remember these!"

  • We need to socialize more!
  • We need to generate more humor and laughter in our lives!
  • We have to enjoy life instead of enduring it!

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"If you lose your zest for laughter - you lose your zest for life!"

All or part of this newsletter may be reprinted with permission, provided that credit is given to the author and his website

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