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The Humormeister's Forum, Issue #00071
September 30, 2013

Welcome to the 71st Humormeister's Forum edition

My wife and I recently watched the movie 'Into the Wild.' It was based on a true story about a young Man who after graduating from college, refused a new car from his parents and gave away $ 24,000 remaining in his student fund to charity.

He did not want to become part of the establishment, nor follow through on his parents' expectations for his future. Instead he wanted to escape to, and enjoy the solitude and beauty of the Alaskan wilderness.

He fulfilled his dream, but starved to death at the age of 23 from eating poisonous flowers.

Although in the beginning he thought that he had found the ultimate happiness in the solitude of his new and beautiful environment, he realized and wrote in the end that "Happiness is only real when shared."

Funny quotes

I hate long distance relationships. That's why I moved the fridge into my bedroom. - Author unknown

Humor/laughter quotes

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report facts. - Will Rogers

The 1 Minute laugh

There was a man who worked all his life and saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it cam to his money. He loved money more than anything.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in my casket. I want to take my money with me to the afterlife.

So he had his wife promise with all her heart that when he died she would put all his money in the casket with him.

Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there dressed in black next to her closest friend.

As the wife was about to place a box in the casket, her close friend said, "Are you really going to put all his money in the casket?"

"Don't worry," the wife said," I wrote him a check!"

Kids are funny!

A mother asked her 9 year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know about the birds and the bees," the boy said bursting into tears.

Confused, the mother asked him what was wrong. "Oh mom," he sobbed. "When I was 6, I got....there is no Santa Claus. At 7, I got....there is no Easter Bunny. Then at 8, you hit me with there is no Tooth Fairy."

"If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't have any sex, I've got nothing left to live for!"

Feature article

What's in a kiss?

In an extensive study of married couples behaviors, it was found that 80% of couples said that they no longer bother to kiss each other goodnight.

Ninety percent revealed that they don't even exchange "I love yous" before falling asleep, and nearly 50% do so with their back to their partner.

One in 4 couples argues constantly because they are kept awake by each other's sleeping habits.

One in 4 couples in their sexual prime ( 35 and above ) are considering spending every night in separate beds.

Only 1 percent said they sleep in 'romantic position' - the woman lying with her head and arm on the man's chest.

Only 7 percent sleep facing one another, while 'face to face,' legs intertwined was a favorite of just 8 percent of couples.

We need to rediscover the joy of the 'goodnight kiss,' because kissing makes the heart young again.

We shouldn't finish the day with an argument, even if we are still somewhat upset. It draws a line under the last 12 hours and allows us to start afresh.

When we kiss, our bodies explode with endorphins. A good old kiss also releases dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin, neurotransmitters that make us feel happy.

It reduces levels of the stress hormone cortisol, making us feel more relaxed. Frequent kissing has been linked to happiness in long term relationships.

So the next time you turn your back on your loved one, or think you're too preoccupied to plant a kiss on their cheek, remember the words of Charles Dickens: "Never close your lips to those to whom you have already opened your heart."

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"If you lose your zest for laughter - you lose your zest for life!"

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