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The Humormeister's Forum, Issue #00056
June 30, 2012

Welcome to the 56th Humormeister's Forum edition

"If you ain't ain't living!'

Summer is a time for joy and happiness, family get-togethers, picnics, BBQ's, family reunions...... Have a happy joyful summer and stay safe!

Funny quotes "My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops and breaths" - Jimmy Durante

Humor/Laughter quote

Stress Reliever Woman: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles, and lighten your load."

Man: "It's very kind of you darling, but I don't have any worries."

Woman: Well that's because we aren't married yet!"

The 1 Minute Laugh

A man and his wife were having some trouble at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00am for an early morning flight.

Not wanting to be the first one to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "please wake me at 5:00am." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00am and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said "It's 5:00am"

Humor from our richest 'Humor Resource'......our kids'

Grade 2 children's answers about their mom

What ingredients are mom's made of? 1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean. 2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they used mostly string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom? 1. We're related 2. God knew she like me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of girl was your mom? 1.My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff 2. I don't know, because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy 3. They say she used to be nice

Feature of the month

The lost car keys

Several days ago, as I left a meeting at a hotel, I desperately gave myself a pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room turned up nothing.

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.

My wife has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave then my location, confessed that I had left the keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered, (I always call her 'honey' in times like these.) I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard her voice.

"Idiot, she barked, I dropped you off!"

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me!"

She retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car."

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