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The Humormeister's Forum, Issue #000106
September 30, 2016

Welcome to the 106th Humormeister's Forum edition

I have a favor to ask from you this month. I would appreciate you giving me feedback on my website:

Can it be improved? Suggestions how to improve it. Your honest feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Recently, I get most of my humor and laughter from watching the continual saga of the American Presidential race. Who would have thought that politics could be this hilarious! Funny quotes

When the kids text me 'plz,' which is shorter than please, I text back ,no,'which is shorter than 'yes.'

Happiness quote

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe - Jimmy Durante

The 1 Minute laugh

At St. Peter's Church they have weekly marriage guidance counselling sessions.

At the session last week, the priest asked Guiseppe who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary to take a few minutes and share how he managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Guiseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I've tried to treat her nicea, spenda money on her, but besta of all, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary."

The priest responded, 'Guiseppe, you are an inspiration to the husbands here. Please tell us what you are planning for your 50th anniversary?'

'Wella, I'ama gonna bring her back!'

Kids are funny!

A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first graders, using a bowl of lifesavers.

He gave all the kids the same lifesaver, one at the time and asked them to identify them by color and flavor.

The kids responded: 'red-cherry, yellow-lemon, green-lime, orange-orange.' Finally the professor gave them all honey-flavored lifesavers. After sucking on them for a few moments, none of the kids could identify the taste.

'Well,' the professor said, 'I'll give you a hint, 'It's what your mom calls your dad sometimes.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spit out her lifesaver and yelled, 'Oh my God,'they're assholes!'

A example of humor and laughter

Humor is connected to having a positive attitude and having self-confidence. Let me illustrate with a little story.

A woman went to her doctor for a check-up. When the doctor is finished with the examination, he tells her,'You're in terrific shape - you have the figure of an 18 year-old!'

When she gets home, she is in the process changing her clothes and while doing so, she admires her naked body in the full-length mirror.

Just as clucks approvingly, her husband walks in and asks, 'What are you doing?'

She says, I'm just looking at my body. My doctor told me that I have the body of an 18 year-old.

The husband says, "Did he say anything about your 40 year-old ass?'

She replied, 'No, your name never came up!'

Life is good when laughter is frequent!

  • We need to socialize more!
  • We need to generate more humor and laughter in our lives!
  • We have to enjoy life instead of enduring it!

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"If you lose your zest for laughter - you lose your zest for life!"

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