Welcome to the 100th Humormeister's Forum edition

My wife asked me one morning, "What are you going to do today?" I replied, "Nothing!"

She said, You did that yesterday." So I told her, "I didn't get finished yesterday!" Retirement is wonderful!

Funny quotes

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes - Jim Carey

Humor/laughter quotes

I realize that humor isn't for everyone. It's only for people who want to have fun, enjoy life and feel alive - AU

The 1 Minute laugh

Reg was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a strict diet. "I want you to regularly eat for 2 days, then skip a day. Repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.

The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds, his doctor assured him.

When Reg returned after 2 weeks, he shocked the doctor by having lost almost 20 pounds.

"Why that's amazing," the doctor said, greatly impressed. You certainly must have followed my instructions.

Reg nodded, "I'll tell what though, I thought I was going to drop dead on the 3rd day. "Why, from hunger?" the doctor asked.

"NO, from skipping!"

Kids are funny!

Our son had just started 1st grade. Every day he would come home more depressed. So my wife decided to ask him what he was so depressed about.

After a lot humming and hawing, he said,"Mom, I don't know anything!" My wife told him,"Well son that's why you go to school, but surely there must be something that you like.

He replied, "Yes mom - Recess!"

Are you humorly constipated?

You are humorly constipated if.......

• You laugh less than 4 times a day
• You flip somebody the bird without realizing you're doing it
• 'Bad news' from newspapers, TV and other electronic media become your only source of entertainment
• You can't laugh at your own jokes - never mind somebody else's
• All humor is silly to you and a total waste of time
• The way things are in the world today, you can't understand how anybody can still laugh

• We need to socialize more!
• We need to generate more humor and laughter in our lives!
• We have to enjoy life instead of enduring it!

You can now follow me on:

Facebook - http://www.facebook.com/gerry.hopman

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"If you lose your zest for laughter - you lose your zest for life!"

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