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The Humormeister's Forum, Issue #00086
December 31, 2014
Welcome to the 86th Humormeister's Forum edition
Best New Year's resolution: 'Be Happy!' It drives people crazy!
Have a great one!!
I have added a new web page 'Share-a-laugh.' Send in your funny stories and experiences. Remember! 'A laugh shared is a laugh multiplied!'
Thank you 'First Week in January', for being the one week of the year when there are people at the gym, who are fatter than I am. - Author Unknown
Dear God, my prayer for 2015 is a fat bank account and a thin body. Please don't mix these up like you did last year. - Author Unknown
The 1 Minute laugh
I was driving along the Interstate when I decided to stop at a comfort station. The first stall was occupied, so I went into the second one. I was no sooner seated when I heard a voice from the next stall saying, "Hi, how are you doing?"
Well, I am not the type to chat with strangers in highway comfort stations, and I really don't know what possessed me, but anyway, I answered, a little embarrassed, "Not bad."
Then the stranger said, "So what are you up to?" Talk about dumb questions! I was really beginning to think this was too weird, so I said, "Well, like you, I'm driving East."
Then I heard the stranger, all upset say, "Look, I'll call you back later. There's some idiot in the next stall answering all the questions I asked you!"
Kids are funny!
A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?
The boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a couple of blocks and turn to your right."
The man thanked the boy and said, "I'm the new Minister in town. I'd like you to come to church this Sunday, and I'll show you how to get to heaven."
The boy replied with a chuckle. "You're bullshitting me right?" You don't even know the way to the Post Office!
The hotel bill
An older lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight at a really nice hotel.
When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $ 250. She demanded to know why the charge was so high. "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $ 250 for just an overnight stay.!"
The clerk told her that $ 250 was the standard rate, and breakfast had been included had she wanted it.
The lady insisted that she wanted to speak to the manager.
The manager appeared, and forewarned by the desk clerk stated, "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center, which are available for use.
"But, I didn't use them," she said.
"Well, they are here, and you could have used them," explained the manager.
He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the hotel shows for which the hotel was famous for. "We have the best entertainers from all over the world performing here" the manager said.
"But, I didn't go to any of those shows," she said.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the manager replied.
No mater what the manager amenity the manager mentioned, she replied, "But, I didn't use it"!
After several minutes discussion, and with the manager still keeping up his arguments, she decide to pay and wrote a check and gave it to him.
The manager was surprised when he looked at the check. "But Mam, this check is for $ 50.
"That's correct, I charged you $ 200 for sleeping with me," she replied.
"But I didn't!" exclaimed the very surprised manager.
"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have,!"
You can now follow me on:
Facebook - http://www.facebook.com/gerry.hopman
Twitter - http://www.twitter.com/humorlaughter
Linked-in - http://ca.linked.com/in/humorlaughter
"If you lose your zest for laughter - you lose your zest for life!"
All or part of this newsletter may be reprinted with permission, provided that credit is given to the author and his website http://www.humor-laughter.com
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