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The Humormeister's Forum, Issue #00074
December 31, 2013

Welcome to the 74th Humormeister's Forum edition

Happy New Year! Wishing you good health, prosperity and happiness in 2014. This newsletter is shorter, as it is written while celebrating our wedding anniversary, Christmas and New Year in Hawaii. ( also excuse the lack of quotation marks etc. my computer refused to follow my directions )

Funny quotes

Make all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions - Joey Adams

Humor/laughter quotes

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves - Bill Vaughan

The 1 Minute laugh

The New Year's Eve party had turned into a regular marathon with numerous guests coming and going.

At one point, a man knocked on the door, was greeted heartily, although no one knew who he was. He was led to the basement where the party was in full swing.

He sat happily drinking at the bar when all of a sudden a light dawned on him. You know, he confided to his host, I was not even invited to this party. I just came over to tell you that some of your guests cars are blocking my driveway.

The guest continued, my wife is sitting out in the car waiting for me to get the cars moved.

Kids are funny!

Little Kevin was sitting on the sofa, feet dangling, while flipping through the family photo album. Mommy, who is this guy on the beach with you, Kevin asked, as he pointed to an old picture .

This guy, the one with all the muscles and all the black curly hair, his mom asked. Oh, that is your dad!

If that is dad, Kevin said, then who is that old bald-headed fat guy who lives with us.

New Year article

New Year resolutions

- Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my night gown. Instead I will move my computer into the bedroom.

- I will no longer waste my time reliving my past, instead I will spend it worrying about the future.

- I will, do less laundry and use more deodorant

- Assure my lawyer that I will never again show up drunk at a custody hearing

- I resolve to work with neglected children - my own.

- I will read the manual, as soon as I can find it.

- I will think of a password other than password.

- I will not tell the same story at every get-together.

- I will consider other peoples feelings when they so obviously do not consider mine.

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"If you lose your zest for laughter - you lose your zest for life!"

All or part of this newsletter may be reprinted with permission, provided that credit is given to the author and his website

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