Robin Williams Humor

'You're only given a little spark of madness, you musn't lose it.'

'If it's the psychic network, why do they need a phone number?'

'Some people say Jesus wasn't Jewish. Of course he was Jewish! Thirty years old, single, lives with his parents, come on> He works in his father's business, his mom thought he was God's gift. He's Jewish. Give it up!'

'Never fight an ugly person. They've got nothing to lose.'

'You know, you get that tattoo of barbed wire when you're 18, but by the time you're 80, it's a picket fence.'

'Cocaine is God's way of saying, you're making too much money.'

'Ah yes, divorce....from the Latin word meaning to rip men's genitals through his wallet.'

'The 2nd amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.'

'Do you think God gets stoned? I think so....look at the platypus.'

'Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?'

Carpe per diem - Seize the check!'

'Cricket is basically baseball on valium.'

'Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with things.'

'In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say stop, or will say stop again!'

'Death is nature's way of saying, "your table is ready."

'The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.'

'Women would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills. They'd make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while..'

Do you think Adam said to Eve, "Back up, I don't know how big this gets."

'I want to rehab in wine country, just to keep my options open.'

'As beatific as Ghandi was. I'm sure there was someone saying in a Bombay bar, "I knew Ghandi...he was a prick."

'People say say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the Whitehouse.'

'Mickey Mouse to a 3 year is a sx-foot-tall rat.'

'Being a functioning alcoholic is kind of like being a paraplegic lap dancer - you can do it, just not as well as others.'

'Having George W Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial. It just doesn't work.'

'Comedy is acting out optimism.'

'I'm a born entertainer. When I open the fridge door and the light goes on, I burst into song.'

'Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.'